Spring Cleaning the Anti-Martha Way

April 16, 2012

Martha Stewart spring cleans like a pro — because she is a pro. But the rest of us seek an easier way. Welcome to The Anti-Martha Stewart Spring Cleaning Guide.

For the record, I love Martha Stewart. She has elevated housekeeping to high art, which protects home values. Martha’s taught us the devil is in the details, and that even mundane chores can be tackled with grace, diligence, and elbow-high rubber gloves.

That said, spring is here, and cleaning is required. But who’s got the time or energy to rip apart every square inch of the house? When I saw a Martha blog that suggested cleaning our kitchen range in only 22 steps, we threw in the towel and shouted, “Get real!”

Then, I found Anti-Martha Stewart Spring Cleaning Guide, acknowledging that top-to-bottom cleaning is a good idea, but nobody’s idea of a good time.

But days have only 24 hours, and work, family, and the tyranny of getting in 10,000 steps makes spring cleaning Martha-style merely a fantasy for most of us. So, I found a  “get-real” guide.

This guide is all about time-savers and corner-cutters. Top highlights:

• Don’t scrub when a good soak will do.

• Take small bites out of large tasks: If you live long enough, you’ll get it clean.

• Invest in white vinegar companies, because vinegar is the one cleaner you can’t do without.

• If a machine can clean it better and faster, buy it or rent it.

But seriously, folks. Here’s a little preview of the guide.

• Shower heads: A warm white vinegar bath will get rid of mineral deposits.

• Windows: Use coffee filters or microfiber cloths instead of paper towels to wash windows and avoid streaks.

• Patio furniture: Vacuum wicker furniture with an upholstery attachment.

• Primo declutter tip: Get rid of “fat clothes” first, which make you feel bad about your body.

Hey, we’ve got a million of these. Martha, I’m sure, is shaking her head in dismay. But I’m sure this guide will help you get clean in spring and still have time to enjoy the season.  THE GUIDE

And that’s a good thing.